Dear Judy,

I've been having lots of snowdays lately, and I'm scared of the day when school comes back. It's EXAM week at school for MATH and Social Studies. The problem is, I stink at Math!!! I hate it! How can I get over my fear of going back to school before I really do have to go back?

~Scared in the Snow~

Oh Sarah,

I too am horrible at math. In fact I am yet to fully conquer long division. I totally understand your fears. These fears are always going to be there. The idea is to erase them from your mind and focus on what subjects you are good at. So you may never be a math genius. That's okay and we all still love you. Try to find what you are really good at and hang those "A" papers on the fridge. Do not hang on to those math papers. Get rid of them quickly. Go back to school with a positive and fun attitude. Think ahead to the fun you will have over summer break. WE LOVE YOU SARAH AND WE DO NOT CARE THAT YOU ARE NOT GOOD AT MATH!!!!!!!!!

Love always,
Judy

Judy,

I have an embarrassing question. About 2 years ago, I fell down a flight of stairs at a T Station on the way to school. I had to go to the hospital and they informed me that I broke my coccyx (tailbone). They said that I needed to sit in a tube wherever I went. The tube looked like a snow tube or a swimming tube you'd play in the pool with. They also said that the swelling and bruising would subside after a few weeks. It's been almost two years and the right side of my lower back is still noticably swollen. Will it be like this for the rest of my life? Should I sue the T station?

Sarah

Sarah,

I can only imagine your pain. I bruised my tailbone years ago during labor and that took months for me to sit comfortably. You may have a while before you feel 100% again. Preganancy probably did not speed up the healing process. I do not feel that you have a lawsuit to make. Continue to baby your bottom and ice helps. Good luck.

Judy

Dear Judy,

I work for a large corporation that recently had a large "Merger of Equals". The agreement has been announced, but the transaction will not be complete until 2nd half of 2005. Do you think I'll get canned?

Sincerely,
Bewildered in Boston

Blair,

These are troubling times. No job is secure. This merger may be a good thing. It will take years for the merger to actually take effect. So much work is involved in merging two large companies. You are safe for now. Think of this as an opportunity to take advantage of what Sprint may have for you. Everything happens for a reason. Find out that reason. And do not trouble trouble until trouble troubles you.

Judy

Dear Judy,

I was in the dentist office today waiting to be seen. There was a woman next to me with a case of the sniffles so severe it made me physicaly ill. She kept sniffing in and touching her hand to her nose, over and over again. It was obvious that there was quite a bit of mucous that needed to come out, but she kept inhaling it. I wanted to scream "Get a tissue!", but I didn't have the guts. Then she started sneezing over and over and over again. I turned to face the other direction and finally got up and stood in the hallway until one of the employees asked what I was doing. I told her I was trying to get away from the sneezing lady and she led me to an empty t.v. room to wait. As I sat there I could hear her sneeze at least 12 more times. When I think of all the germs she spread in the dentist office today I can't help but wonder what I could have done differently. Any thoughts?

Caryn

Caryn,

That is a great question to ask in this upcoming flu season. I think you handled yourself perfectly. While you were not rude to this women, you made it clear that you did not want to be around her and her sickness. You asserted yourself very well and did not sit back while you got contaminated with some infection. Good job Caryn. I see your boundries soaring to new heights.

Judy

Dear Judy,

I am interested in starting a Mommy's Day Out program at our church. What would be the first step you would suggest taking in this venture?

- Clueless in Ithaca

Dear David,

There are so many steps to take to begin this process. Yes it can be done.Do you have a specific person in mind to run this? If so. Tell them to call me and I will get them on their way.

Judy

Dear Judy:

I have a horrible problem. I love my dog, Lulu and my husband hates her. We adopted her two years ago because I was frustrated when all of my pet fish named Gilbert kept dying. And my stuffed animals were just not cutting it. I was suffering from "empty nest syndrome" and I was so happy to get a cute little puppy like Lulu. I thought my husband shared my sentiments, but obviously he did not. All he does is criticize Lulu. When she does something cute or funny (which is quite often) I laugh and he sneers. I am the first to admit that she does have some idiosyncracies--like she pees on the floor when someone comes to the door, she is constantly following us around the house with her tennis ball in her mouth and hiding it in hopes that we will find it and throw it (I really do think she is displaying some obessive compulsive behavior). She also stares at my husband all of the time from whatever part of the house that she is in - I told him it is because she just loves him so much -- He says it is because she is trying to drive him crazy by stalking him. She also gets very jealous when we talk to each other and gets between us and jumps up and down to block our view. His hatred for her is becoming a problem. Do you think I should get rid of her to save my marriage?   

signed:

torn on Shelter Island

Dear Susan,

You are suffering from a very common problem.  Not every household loves thier dog.  This might sound odd but dogs are difficult to live with and can make a mess.  You obvously love your dog and of course you should keep your dog.  Reassure your husband that a dog does not live forever and their life span is short.  Smaller dogs especially do not live as long.  Accidents also do happen which may also decrease their life span.  This thought is what keeps many of us going through our days with our dog.  Just give him that quick reminder of this and try to give your husband the affection he is longing for.   

Thank you 

Judy

Hi Judy,

I just saw your column on google and I was so excited to get some imput on a very serious problem that I have.  I have read your other advice and was blown away with the feedback that you gave people.  I really believe that you are an answer to my prayers.  So...... here goes.  I have been dating this man, well boy, for about two months.  He says that he loves me but that I remind him of his mother.  At first this kind of took me aback,until I heard John Kerry speak at the debate.  I realized that he loves his wife and yet because he cared so deeply for his mother that the emotions were sort of intertwined.  The problem is that I finally met his mother the other day.  First of all she weighed almost 400-450 pounds.  That wouldn't be so bad but she was also a compulsive liar!  What reminds him of me!!!!  Should I probe or just let it go and be happy that he loves me?

Paranoid girlfriend,

Tanya

Tanya,

The first thing that comes to mind is what will your children look like, and what will he look like in 10 years with a mother that large?  Moving on from that information alone would put a stop to that relationship for some.  For others, the idea that he wants to be romantic with someone who reminds him of his mother is sort of gross and would put some people off.  Thirdly, Why is his mother a compulsive liar and does this trait run in the family? That could be annoying.  More importantly, Why are you referring to him as a boy rather then a man?  This alone is a relationship ender.  This is not a relationship that I would encourage.  My advice would be that this is not the man for you.  Good Luck dating.    

Judy

Judy,

I'm sure you have heard by now about the dilema America is facing with the flu shot being contaminated in England.  I called the pediatrician today and they told me that they ordered 700 vaccinations and they recieved 0.  How important is it for a baby Emily's age to recieve the vaccination.  Is it worth the fight or should I just wash my hands a lot and try to keep her away from other sick children.  She comes into contact with the kids I babysit for on a weekly basis and she also attends an infant/todder bible class on Sundays.  What would you do?

Sarah

Sarah,

My children have never received a flu shot.  Keagan has been exposed to preshool since 5 weeks.  I do not think that even with a fight this year will you be able to get baby emily-kate a flu shot.  Just watch her close and understand that you can not isolate her.  I think this may be a rough flu season and we all need to be mindful.   

Judy

Dear Judy,

I got some hermit crabs for my birthday. I really loved them, but they died last week. :( I still have the hermit crabs in my room, and I don't know what to do with them. I can't flush them down the toilet, I can't bury them, and I can't put them in the food grinder in my sink. Please help. The hermit crabs ar starting to smell.

Sarah H.

Sarah H.,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your hermit crab.  Unfortunatly, they do not have a long life span in captivity.  I sense that you need a sense of closure and a remedy to the "smell" that will arise.  I think a funeral is in order.  Please wrap your crab up gently in some tissue and find a special spot to bury him. Say a few departing words.  In the future if you feel sad about your loss, you can go to this spot to reminise of his/her life with you. Good luck with your grieving. 

Judy

Dear Judy,

I have a dilemma that I'm hoping you, in your great wisdom, can help me with. We recently moved to Virginia and my 3 kids are in new schools. Before we moved I picked up the girls' immunizations from the pediatrician's office so I could turn them in to the new schools, the good mother that I am. Everything seemed set until the elementary school nurse began to harrass me for hemoglobin tests and a urinalysis. (See, the health requirements are different here in Virginia.) I promptly called the new pediatrician's office (who weren't very nice by the way) to set up the appointments. But they said that unless they received medical records they would not be able to make any appointments. I called my old pediatrian's office who said they had already sent them. So I waited a few days and called the new pediatrician's office who told me they still hadn't arrived. In the meantime I got notice #2 from the school nurse with a signiture from none other than the principal. I called the old pediatrician's office to inquire about the records once more. At first they told me they had been sent. Then they said that although their records stated that they had been released they were still sitting right there is the office, by golly. Apologetically they assured me that the records would be sent first thing in the morning. In the meantime I got notice #3 from the school warning me of my children's impending eviction from the school. I called the new pediatrician's office yesterday about the matter. The woman at the other end said, "Mrs Lundy?" I said, "No. I'm just calling". She put me on hold for what seemed like hours. I eventually decided my time was more valuable than that and hung up. I tried to call back all day but only got a busy signal. (Could they have still had me on hold??) I called today, got through and was told that the records still had not arrived!!!! I feel as if I'm in a catch 22 situation. There are only a few days before the impending eviction, and I have done my darndest to set our family up for success healthwise and otherwise. Yes, I have called the school nurse about the matter several times, but the notices continue to come... Am I destined to be a home-schooler?

Please help,

Caryn

.

Caryn,

Wow, you are a diligent mother. As anyone can tell you, medical records can take a long time to get.  An option would be of course to get them faxed and not leave the phone until this is completed.  The school seems a little too aggresive for something that can obviously take a while to get completed.  I would record your numerous attempts and send this document to the school and insist that they will get the records soon. You can also give the nurse the number to your old pediatrician and let her deal with it.  She is getting paid for this. You have a done a great job to get this task completed and they just need to relax.  Tell then to just have more patience or they can do it themselves.   Thank you for your interesting question. 

Judy

Dear Judy:

My husband keeps wearing his good Ralph Lauren dress shirts that I buy him on e-bay to cook and to fish. I have been trying to get him to learn to delineate his clothing items but I am not doing so good..All of his shirts have grease stains on them, because he fries so much.

Just last week I was at a Bible study and I looked down at his feet and he had fish guts on his shoes. Needless to say, I was very embarrassed.

He said if I left his apron OUT in the kitchen where he could immediately see it, he would wear it. But you know how I feel about things like toasters and aprons being left out in the kitchen. He says that about everything. If it was up to him everything would be left OUT.

I told him I would put all of his fishing  clothes on a hook in his closet and I have done that, but he still wears just what he wants to wear.

Please help me. I am becoming very frustrated and it is taking its toll on the quality of our marriage.

Susan

.

Susan,

I fully respect you concern for the ruin of nice clothes and the need to keep items nicely put away in your home.  I am sure we all do.  It sounds like the truth lies within your husband.  Does he really care about all the wonderful clothing items that you so diligently find for him on ebay? I think the problem here is not what items you leave out for him but the fundamental feeling that he does not care about smelling like fish guts.  I would just accept this fact and go enjoy all of that lovely fish.  Always remember that their are people out their(not naming names)  That would do anything to get all of the free fish like you do.  Live with the smell and get him some good cologne. 

Thank you  

Judy

Judy,
Homey broke up with me today.  Now she's dating this goth dude who threatened to put a spell on me if I came near the house.  How can I get her back?
Forrest

Forrest,

Give her up and find someone else. You do not want to mess with anyone and their spells.  As Scott Hart once said, when confronted with this same issue, "I am going back the group home and looking for someone else" and now he is happily "married"  

Thank you for you question. 

Judy

Dear Judith,

I have been hearing a lot of buzz about genetically engineered foods and the effects they have on young children.  How can I be sure to keep these foods out of my daughter's diet, maintain a variety of choices, and not spend an arm and a leg?

Kate

Oh Katie,

This is a wonderful question.  There are numeous pesticides, toxins and genetically altered food substances that your child may encounter on a daily basis. I know we do not always have the funds to go to such expensive stores as Whole Foods or Harris Teeter, but there is a cheaper way to ensure the safeness of your child's foods that they consume. The Farmers Market offers a freat variety of fresh and cheap vegetables and fruits.  Food Lion is now offering a complete section of organic foods that have such a wonderful collection of childrens snack foods such as "Pirate booty". Stay clear of McDonalds and the like, but if you must, they are now providing great alternatives, i.e.You may now substitute apple slices for fries, Milk for coke.  Most importantly, whenever possible provide organic milk which is somewhat more costly than regular milk, but the benefits will outweigh any financial concern. Good luck and good eating 

Judith

Dear Judy,

Emily just got her first cold.  She has a runny nose, a cough, watery eyes, plus she's sneezing a lot.   Mom says not to call the doctor but Blair is afraid that it could turn into an ear infection.  What would you do?  The "Big Baby Book" say's that if a child has watery eyes along with coldlike symptoms, it could be signs of an infection.  I'm a little worried because I don't want my doctor to get annoyed with me ( I call him about once a month) and I only want to call if it is absolutely urgent.  Any advice?

Sarah

Sarah,

Has she ever had an ear infection before?  If there is no fever I would not be alarmed.  Use the vaporizer, saline drops, and a decongestant.  Now that her first winter is approaching I would just be mindful that this "cold" could last all winter long.  Make sure that she gets a flu shot, watch for a fever and help her breathe with the above suggestions. 

Judy